What other resources do you have? By seeking advice you are looking for insight and guidence and the internet is the largest form of available information at your fingertips and if you can find the help or information that is relevant in solving your problem or issue, does it make sense and can it help you?
A lot of the time we are not able to come to terms with our problems because our judgement is clouded, or we do not feel physically or mentally ‘strong enough’ to face the problem, especially if it involves a loved one. You may be feeling isolated and your life, nowadays seems more complicated, some weeks you feel as though you go from one crisis to another. It is said that we keep on making the same mistakes in our life until we have learned our lesson, in other words, once you have faced and dealt with the issue only then will you be able to move forward in your life. Do you think that is true? Are your problems always of a similar nature? If the answer is yes, ask yourself what it is you need to learn and why.
What if you are at fault? One of the hardest words to say is, “Sorry”, but if it comes from the heart and is truly meant then be gracious and sincere in your apology. Saying “Sorry” shows that you have strength of character to admit your errors.
Life has a way of overtaking us and we can end up in a muddle before we realise it and, each age brings its own issues. When we are younger it’s about fitting in within the environment of school, the up and downs of friendships and, for some, being on the receiving end of the ‘school bullies’.
Then comes the teenage years, we are either full of our own self importance or full of doubts, pimples, periods and boyfriend/girlfriend trouble PLUS parents just do not understand a teenager-so we think. In some ways these things don’t change, when you start work you still have to ‘fit in’ and there are office bullies, be it unwanted attention from the opposite sex or ‘bitchy’ remakes from work colleagues who should know better.
A relationship where a commitment has been made is not an easy road to travel. It’s hunky dory when all is well but if you are still trying to juggle all the changes of becoming part of a permanent relationship as well as finding your boundaries within that relationship-who cooks, cleans, sorts the laundry-it can lead to unnecessary arguments and put a strain on a once happy union and as silly as the above sounds it is the ‘little’ things that can be the cause of other problems.
And we have not even mentioned family-children, step children, an ex husband or wife, nowadays family life can feel as hazardous as walking through a minefield and, you turn around and wonder where a chunk of your life went as well as your own personality-you have become ‘Fred’s wife’ and ‘Sophie’s mum’ and it feels like your self has all but disappeared.
What ever the issue remember that it can be sorted and if you have a medical problem-don’t put off going to the Doctor’s-make and keep the appointment- fear and a rampant imagination have a negative effect on health and wellbeing whereas seeking advice from the appropriate professional can alleviate that tension-even if the result is your worst fear-the sooner you get the diagnosis the sooner you can face the problem. Life is full of challenges.
In our hedonistic society the ongoing problem that is faced by millions is that of DEBT and the longer you leave this problem the deeper in debt you will become. Sit down with that piece of paper and a pen and take a look at all of your finances-all of the outgoing payments that you either pay weekly or monthly, don’t forget to include household costs, food and general household bills plus any other outstanding debt. Now take a look at your income, is your weekly/monthly income less than the money you have to pay out? If the answer is ‘no’ then it may be a case of managing your money more efficiently, transferring credit card loans to a card company that charges no transfer fee or gives you ‘x’ number of months free credit. This will allow you ‘breathing space’ and give you the opportunity to stop using credit cards for purchases as well as getting the outstanding debt reduced. If you have a mortgage, can you get a better deal on your mortgage? Or if you rent a property are you eligible for any housing benefit? Utilities such as electric, gas and phone bills vary from company to company-check them out and see who will give you a better deal.
If you are paid monthly then make arrangements for bills to be paid, via direct debit, on a monthly basis, and then you will know what funds you have available after the monthly deductions have been paid. If you find you are still short of money or there is none left over for emergencies are you able to take on a second, part time, job? The one thing you do not want to do is get deeper into debt.
What if your weekly or monthly wage does not cover the amount you owe? DO NOT bury your head in the sand, contact all of the companies or people that you owe money to-be honest and tell them that you are having financial difficulties and ask THEM what they are able to do for you. Make appointments to see financial managers at banks or building societies or contact the Citizens Advice Bureau. In general you will be helped as no-one wants to see you loose your home and assets etc. And firms would rather recoup some of the outstanding money owed than none at all.
Although we have used Debt as an example, whatever your problem or issue, help is available-though you have to be prepared to take the advice or help offered. Sometimes dealing with issues involves change-either in relationships, jobs or living arrangements and this is when it can feel ‘scary’ taking a step into, what you see as the ‘unknown’. The first step is always the hardest one to take and, it may not be a straight road or lead you immediately to your goal, but it can be liberating and you will know, inside-your ‘gut feeling’, when you are on the right path.
Remember to be kind to yourself; sometimes we are our own worst enemy, we think we are not entitled to be happy or carefree or we are frightened to ‘let go’ of fears that we cling to. Facing your fears, even if you need someone to help you, shows them for what they are-chains that we tie ourselves to. Find the good in your self and nurture it on a daily basis, you will see positive change and if you know what it is to feel tense and constantly on edge-learn what it feels like to be at ease and relaxed with and within yourself.
We hope that we have helped you to see things more clearly but if you would like personal advice on a specific issue contact Kate and Maggie, via e-mail, with your concerns, we do care...
